There's nothing like watching bobble head football. It sure beats viewing a Raiders or 49ers preseason football game.
Actually, it's almost as amusing as watching their professional counterparts because it provides the same light-hearted moments, enthusiasm, player potential and bumper car-like defensive tackles.
Bobble heads aren't very tall. In fact, they could fill in for the dwarfs at the Electrical Street Parade at Disney World or star in a Smurfs movie sequel.
They come in all shapes and sizes. However, in the heat of battle, all these shapes and sizes look identical as they smack together like two broken eggs.
To me, bobble head football is in reference to the five- and six-year-old division of Pop Warner Football, more appropriately known as the tiny mites. It's about cute kids, fresh from learning the alphabet, playing this game of controlled mayhem while trying to balance an 80-pound helmet on their head.
Grit, determination and a lot of heart is the trademark of every bobble head. They aren't holding out in training camp for more money or playing time and most of them are participating for free, although I suspect a few have secret agreements that allow them to get new PlayStations upon the end of the season.
I wonder if they have plays like Student Body Bobble Head Right, Bobble Head 32-Blast or a bobble head post pattern toward the flag.
None of the bobble heads have nicknames like The Fridge, Mean Joe Greene or the Hit Man. Their names are more like Tiny, Scrappy or the Snackman. 'Who let the Dogs out' probably won't be blaring over the loud speaker. Instead you might hear the latest hit from Nickelodeon's own Naked Brother's Band.
These kids are so much fun to watch I want to plaster their defensive line on my dashboard or computer desk. They would have to replace Barry Zito and Barry Bonds, but who cares? These are the real bobble heads. They haven't even figured out multiplication yet, although one of their offensive plays resembles a geometric design.
When one of the bobble heads falls in practice while waiting in line to run the next drill, it creates the domino effect whereby every kid falls down (helmet first of course), and the only way to right themselves is with assistance from another player or the magnetic crane which is present on the sideline for such moments.
Otherwise, you have 24 or so bobble heads who've fallen and can't get up.
Watching them master drills and formations while trying to balance their new-found head gear is like watching a new animal take its first few steps in the world. Keeping their legs high in an agility drill reminds me of the Sausage Races in Milwaukee where those oversized mascots try to keep from keeling over at the next gust of wind while running full speed.
When attempting a pass reception, bobble heads have balls deflect off them like pin balls in an arcade game. I'm not sure some of those mighty kids even knew the ball was in the air. Trying to receive the ball was probably as difficult as trying to pin the tail on the donkey blindfolded.
Undaunted, they carry on, looking forward to the next water break where they can take that Sears refrigerator off their head for a few precious moments. Like any youngster at that age, they can't sit down for the break, take a few sips of fluid and strap on that wrecking ball helmet once again.
Playfully head-butting one another in line, I figured, is a fun thing these bobble heads like to do at this age. However, when it looks as if it will become two rams fighting each other on a mountain top, coaches have to bellow out to pay attention or do 1,225 pushups.
Hey, I think the bobble heads could do that many because most of them are quite close to the ground.
Pushups for bobble heads, I surmise, is getting them in shape to carry their helmet and pads to and from practice. Never mind the fact they might leave them at practice or in the dog house at home.
I've never been much of a pro football fan, but I'm a fan of the bobble heads. Watching these kids is priceless and I can't think of a better place to spend a Saturday morning this fall.
Rich Taylor has been coaching youth sports for over 25 years and formerly scouted and coached in professional baseball. His column, A Sideline View, appears once a week. Reach him at rjtaylor23@yahoo.com
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